Resolutions of a Spinster

A poem to celebrate the advent of the  New Year from Jean Hill, a member of the Wokingham Library Poetry Group.

RESOLUTIONS OF A SPINSTER

I’m a spinster of this parish

And no longer in my prime

My resolution is to find a man

Before the bells of New Year chime

I’ve put an advert in the paper

To find my perfect mate

And with my brand new lover

The New Year we’ll celebrate

I’ve dreams of our first meeting

Perhaps an Italian Ristorante

A small secluded table

Drinking glasses of chianti

And now I’ve waited patiently

Received my first reply

And although I’ve read it carefully

He’s just not my sort of guy

His photo’s no oil painting

And I’ve got serious doubts

He want us to meet in Asda

Alongside the Brussels sprouts

A secret assignation

So romantic would be fine

But he thinks Kentucky Chicken

I think candle-light and wine

I’m contemplating what to wear

A slinky number – sexy – black

He’s planning socks and sandals

And a grubby anorak

I want to dance in moonlight

I can’t see him doing that

Because his arms are too short

And his body much too fat

I’m dreaming Porsche, Ferrari

Cars favoured by rich blokes

He’s only got an ancient bike

And that’s got rusty spokes

He could fly me to the Seychelles

On white sand speak words erotic

But a caravan in Bognor

Is his idea of exotic

We could buy a posh apartment

A London love-nest – so bijou

But he’s a bed-sit down in Acton

With Wormwood Scrubs in view

I think champagne and caviar

Soft kisses lingering on my lips

But he’s thinking of a one night stand

Then be off for pie and chips

I want a man of substance

With a shed-load in the bank

Who can’t wait to share it with me

Not this hard-up gormless plank

Do I really need this muppet

I’ve thought it over with some care

But two hours in his company

And I’d be pulling out my hair

My resolution’s doomed to failure

And in my heart I fear

In a lonely, cold and empty bed

I’ll face another blooming year!

By Jean Hill

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